What Self-Abandonment Looks Like (And Why It’s So Hard to See)

For years, I didn’t realize I was abandoning myself. I thought I was just doing what was expected—being a good partner, a good employee, a good person. I kept the peace. I didn’t push back when something didn’t sit right. I never assumed I was the smartest person in the room.

And little by little, I lost myself.

Self-abandonment doesn’t happen in one big moment. It happens in a thousand tiny choices:

• Saying “yes” when everything inside you is screaming “no”
• Ignoring that gut feeling because it’s easier to pretend you don’t feel it
• Making yourself smaller so no one else has to stretch
• Choosing what keeps the peace instead of what keeps you honest

At first, it feels like the right thing to do. Like love. Like success. Like survival. Until one day, you realize you don’t even know who you are anymore, let alone what you want.

No One Is Coming to Save You—And That’s a Good Thing

This was the hardest truth I had to face: No one is coming to rescue me.

No one is going to step in and tell you it’s okay to stop overextending yourself. No one is going to hand you a permission slip to take up space in your own life. No one is going to swoop in and say, “Hey, it’s time to stop sacrificing yourself for the sake of everyone else.”

That’s your job, which can be terrifying.

But once you accept this truth, it’s freeing as hell. Because if no one else is in charge of saving you, that means you have full control over reclaiming yourself.

What It Looks Like to Finally Choose Yourself

Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you stop caring about others. It just means you stop betraying yourself in the process.

• You start saying no without guilt.
• You stop over-explaining yourself.
• You stop waiting for people to give you permission to put yourself first.
• You surround yourself with people who don’t require you to shrink.

The moment I stopped abandoning myself for the comfort of others, everything shifted. I felt lighter. I felt like I was actually in my life instead of watching it happen around me.

I realized that the right relationships—the ones that are real, deep, and reciprocal—don’t require you to sacrifice yourself to belong.

It’s Time to Come Home to Yourself

If you’ve been prioritizing everyone else at your own expense, here’s your reminder:

• You are allowed to take up space.
• You are allowed to have needs.
• And you are worthy of the same love, care, and energy you so freely give to others.

Be rebellious. Live boldly.